autumnraiin
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There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. - Buddha
Posts: 144
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Post by autumnraiin on Nov 13, 2011 20:52:58 GMT -5
Hmmmm Cyv, that's interesting. I've never known anyone who was. I understand the concept of what you are saying, but I think I'm too insecure for that. With the bf I'm with now, I'm not at all jealous, but that's because I know he would never cheat on me or w/e. But I guess if your in that kind of relationship... it's not really cheating, so maybe all the negative emotions associated with being cheated on aren't there? Hmm idk... But good for you if that works! I'm with Charlie that I'd be worried that he loved another chick more than me. As I said though, I'm just insecure. But I'm glad to hear that your moving out and it'll be good for you to have some help. Best of luck with everything =)
)O( BB )O(
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Nov 14, 2011 8:37:50 GMT -5
Well technically he could still cheat, if he didn't stuck to our rules. But when either of us is allowed and we're both ok with it it isn't cheating, no. Because we talk about things first that negativity isn't there. indeed. I sometimes got nervous/excited for him when he had a date! But to not sound all sunshine and great, things can go 'wrong' unintended. We were at some artsy project called 'Expiration date dinners' (check it here! www.mediamatic.net/page/221766/en) where everyone would bring things that the packaging said it was passed the use by date, but wasn't off (as some things are) and they would go to participating supermarkets to get in stuff that they were throwing out, not because they were moldy or bad, but because of the date and regulations around them. You'd bring some food, help do shit like peeling potatoes and a chef (with crew) would cook a meal (some michelin chefs, woot!). So we where there, but it was running late and the main course (it was three courses) was served very late and he had to leave halfway because he was going to a filmfestival with another girl. THEN I felt shite and pissed because it got into MY time. It wasn't his fault, and the only reason he was going that night was because of that festival and the only time she could meet up, but I still felt hurt. So I went to a friend who lived nearby and he later popped in there. He and the girl ended up just hanging as friends (with others) and there was no 'bad' thing (to me) but because MY time got 'stolen' for me (I couldn't stay there after, I was just too emotional and didn't want to explain to all the others, strangers, that my boyfriend had to leave for a date) and my night was ruined. We never 'double booked' again =') Oh, and in this edition we had to bring jars etc because we were going to make jams. And the next one tupperware for leftovers. This concept really rocks, and is about learning to recognize food that's still good and gone bad, and trusting your guts. When in doubt, toss, but don't blindly follow the labels. And you can organize your own or go there and the idea is to then donate the money you'v spent on food to the Dutch 'cooperative effort of aid organizations' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samenwerkende_Hulporganisaties) , in this case focused on the horn of africa. We had our picture taken too! His hair is so awkwardly short here ; This is him (in photoshoot, so kind of...styled) now:
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Nov 14, 2011 8:38:25 GMT -5
And yes, I was eating him. I did that as a joke and had to repeat it 5 times for a picture ;D
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autumnraiin
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There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. - Buddha
Posts: 144
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Post by autumnraiin on Nov 14, 2011 14:35:36 GMT -5
Yeah, I think I'd feel like that all the time. But that expiration date dinner sounds like fun! I'm always finding food that I forgot about, I need to start keeping better track so I'm not wasting money or food!
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Nov 26, 2011 11:47:38 GMT -5
Just found out the candlemaker in the street Pepijn works (it's across his store) makes as requested too and also makes smaller taper/'needle' candles! As others 50ct per candle,but these are handdipped (and no shipping! )! Very happy about that! So making inventory on what I still need!
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Post by jennlabelle on Nov 26, 2011 13:39:34 GMT -5
You guys are adorable. I don't know if that worsens the situation not... I hope it doesn't. I just thought I'd say so.
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Post by epicpseudonym on Nov 29, 2011 15:42:02 GMT -5
lol, I haven't been on here in such a long time and I see this as one of the discussions---it makes my inner nerd smile ^_^ Great idea Cyv! Now I'm going to dispense something I'm severely irked by at present: I've been working on several recycled art projects since October---particularly a project which is a gazebo made of plastic bottles. I sacrificed a crapload of my time to create this structure and once I had the design finalized and the pieces put together it was past the date I had hoped to have it raised by and I had to cancel two of my other five projects. The first building phase involved raising 6 columns, which I accomplished in a couple hours with help from friends. Since I raised the columns on Friday and I don't live on campus, I hadn't planned on finishing it until Monday. I go to a very small school and generally, nobody is on the academic block of campus during the weekend so I figured it would be safe. I came back on Sunday to referee a quidditch game and found my columns torn down, the PVC pipe from one of the columns was missing, and the bottles that were tied on with WIRE were scattered all over the courtyard. This happened a week ago, but I'm still feeling crappy about it. My boss had allowed me to do this project, she funded it and I was getting paid for it, I'd gotten help from a lot of people, and when everything was supposed to come together, it was ruined. I just feel really ashamed for wasting everyone's time and resources on something I couldn't finish. My work hours are exhausted for the rest of the semester and I have finals now, so my boss suggested raising it again in the spring---which I am very thankful for. I did however finish a few reconstructed clothing & accessory items and installed my bottle cap garlands---which are hanging in the library entryway so they'll get a lot of traffic! I'm very happy with the bottle cap display because it's probably the most disruptive thing I've successfully done. It features facts about bottle caps and bottled beverages, advice on what people can do to stop using them, and a photo of a decomposing albatross that died because of ingesting plastic---the plastic can still be seen, the bird, not so much: animal.discovery.com/birds/ocean-gyre-birds/albatross-ocean-gyre-birds-pictures.htmlAnyway, entering finals now so I should probably stop my ranting and get some of my assignments done before the last minute!
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Dec 1, 2011 19:10:19 GMT -5
You guys are adorable. I don't know if that worsens the situation not... I hope it doesn't. I just thought I'd say so. Aww I missed this, thanks! Don't worry, it was sweet. Everyone kept telling us how we're the best couple and cute etc. I'm kind of bummed about the whole thing, but this isn't making it worse or anything, it's sweet, so thanks again!
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cyv
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Posts: 190
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Post by cyv on Dec 11, 2011 11:38:49 GMT -5
Apparently he has moved on...In a very 'casual' way with the girl I had veto'd on a couple of months ago (someone who only wanted to stay friends if they had sex, then asks if he wanted to be a spermdonor and later got in contact again, claiming she was mad then, but not respecting my boundaries on what's ok is not someone I trust).. And I have to read on FB that he went there. Great. And I live in the same house still, can't find a home. Thank god/dess for this group so I have something to focus on because I'm getting sucked into a severe depression now, and all my friends are far away.
Time to look for that pantheon that fits me (I'm behind on the meeting god/goddess things and I'm doing it in a way that suits me)
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Post by jennlabelle on Dec 12, 2011 19:38:58 GMT -5
Umm... that's really awful Cyv. What on earth?! She asked him to be a sperm donor?! I hate that you have to live with him through all of this, that makes a break up utter hell
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autumnraiin
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There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. - Buddha
Posts: 144
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Post by autumnraiin on Dec 13, 2011 13:30:12 GMT -5
Be strong Cyv, you're going through some very difficult things, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hold on, things WILL get better. <3 We're always here (or on fb) when you need us!
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Dec 14, 2011 17:05:18 GMT -5
Aww thanks guys! I'm actually getting help now on moving, 'urgency' because of my handicap and the situation. Trying to ignore the whole situation at the moment to be able to live here and deal with it later. I hate having to put 'dealing with stuff' on hold. But yeah, the living together makes it really hard and i'm rather unstable. Thank goddess for friends, tv-shows, knitting and tea!
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cyv
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Posts: 190
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Post by cyv on Dec 14, 2011 17:16:08 GMT -5
Oh! But what I wanted to do here: I am SO grateful and SO happy, because friends brought me a (fake) christmas tree because I couldn't afford one! And I'm rather sad about the christmas being no family, no bf, and not having christmas decorations would make it ultra sad. And they still had one! And they brought it over, it's an hour drive! AND they brought ball-ornaments and top. Not using the balls atm, but I do use the gold top. Making the other decorations! I am SO happy I got this! It's a constant reminder of my friends and all things good in my life. I needed that
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Post by Charlie on Dec 15, 2011 8:08:44 GMT -5
Okay, so I've never ranted on here before and I'm going to.
I HATE MY JOB!! lol Well, I don't really hate it, but I hate the attitudes of my employees. I've got grown ass people coming up and bitching like they're 12 year olds. I thought that people grew out of the whole it's-not-my-fault thing when they reached a certain age, but apparently not. It is frustrating, and the moon last weekend did not make it better.
Also, people who are fucking competitive. I did a status update on facebook about that about a week ago but there was a particular person I had in mind when I asked it. This person and I have been friends for YEARS, but she constantly tries to outdo me. I back off, because I'm not about showing off or showing people up, but she likes to passively-agressively announce things that really are not important. For instance, Nozomi started walking earlier than her daughter and now Nozomi is super active and loves to dance and do dangerous physical feats (like jumping from the coffee table to the couch). I'm a pretty lenient mom when it comes to letting her explore her boundaries because I don't want her to grow up to be a pussy like me, lol. But when we say, "settle down" or tell her it's time for bed, she listens perfectly fine. But my friend said to me, "[daughter's name] doesn't really run around and do things like that. She's very well-behaved that way," implying that Nozomi is not well-behaved. And when her daughter gets shit for birthdays/holidays/etc, my friend likes to tell me all about all the expensive presents she got. For her second birthday, she got a Power Wheels. A FUCKING CAR. FOR A TWO-YEAR-OLD. Those things are for three-and-four-year-olds and they didn't have a place to put it anyway, but she needed to brag that they could afford expensive gifts for their toddler, who really probably didn't give a damn.
It doesn't make me question my parenting or feel bad that Nozomi gets to play with things like rocks and sticks and books instead of computers and battery-operated ride-in cars, but it does make me question the agendas of parents: Are most parents competitive with other parents, holding their child's performance up as a trophy of perfect parenting? That saddens me, because that's a lot of pressure on a child.
</rant>
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cyv
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Post by cyv on Dec 15, 2011 17:24:12 GMT -5
I think that has a lot to do with the pressure put on people nowadays, especially children. Everything needs to be more, quicker, better. It seems that otherwise they're not special anymore?
I think you're doing great, actually discussed some things you do when discussing parenting skills etc with two friends who have a son (ok, technically, guy's son, girl's stepson-sorta, also befriended with the mother and her new boyfriend, we're aaaalll friends. Mother and boyfriend got me the tree!) and they basically approach him like an adult. No, skip that. Like a person, so explaining everything. They're explaining things how they are, scientifically correct. Like that the moon doesn't change, but it's the sun and the earth's shadow. They let him figure stuff out at his own pace and explain to him why he can't use certain words in other context.
The Dutch like to throw diseases around as cursewords, like cancer, he called it down the elevator one day and got busted, sent to his room. Later they sat down with him and explained what it meant, how it can hurt people, but they also teach him that it's good to let go of anger, let him run around if he needs to (ADD), but do tell him when they need peace and quiet and ask him to go play outside or in his room.
This reminded me of the 'fucking gross'-situation. I think you are doing a great job, you researched a lot on parenting, child psychology, you don't get driven by competition, greed or material possessions for a kid. It saddens me too to see how this ideal takes over, but you - and a lot of others around me - show that there's another way, imho better.
I'd rather have my kid tell me when they're hungry (pet peeve, people know perfectly well when they are or aren't hungry and what they're hungry for, as do kids), let them run around, explore (books! outside!) and develop that way then be obsessed by eletronic toys, expensive stuff, being better etc.
TL;DR-shortcut: I agree, and from what I see you're doing great.
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